When I first attended church services, I sat in the very back pew and left during the last hymn so that I wouldn't have to talk with anyone. The pastor caught on, and one day he dashed out of the sanctuary to redirect me from the exit door to the fellowship area.At the time I was horrified, but now I'm glad he did that.These days I'm in and out of every area of church, talking with all sorts of people and involved in many different things. Church feels like my second home, my larger family.One of my favorite spaces at church is the sacristy, that secret little room off to the side of the sanctuary where I work with other women to prepare Holy Communion. It's full of drawers, cabinets and closets where we keep the wine, linens, baptismal candles and other things used at the altar. The sacred vessels are in there - the chalice, paten, ciborium and flagon - all wrapped in their protective covers."What's a flagon?" someone asked me once.Well it's the golden pitcher that holds extra wine on the altar. But you don't need to know its name. All that you really need to know is that it's out there in use.Out there for you, because of Jesus.We talk a lot at SHLC about being out there with people in the community, and Pastors John and Dan, other visiting pastors and the leaders of our church work hard to help us find the exit door that we forget exists once we feel comfortable in church. Just as the flagon isn't meant for the sacristy cabinet, but for the altar in worship, we are not meant to be hidden away in the church building, but to come out of our protective covers and get out there with people.I'm glad. But sometimes that door scares me.It's simple really, they reassure us. Jesus is out there doing His redemptive work and He calls us to be out there with Him, to just be in relationship with people, loving and caring for them, and to be open to how He wants to use us to reveal His saving love to them.And it is simple...until you're asked to give more than you want to, and you start to struggle with the questions people ask you about the faith, and you realize you're not always walking the talk yourself, and you have a few fails and ask "where were you Lord?" and "why did you let me fall?"And when you realize that the work He asks you to do isn't 'effective immediately', and that it isn't always going to be easy, or clear-cut or clean, and when you start to feel at times like you're actually getting in the way of the work He is trying to do out there - well, then it's so, so tempting to look for that church entrance door again."WHAT am I doing out here?"I'm struggling right now with this pressure I feel, that I have to get it all right when I'm out there. Like I have to be the shining example of what a Christian should be, as if Jesus is going to pull me out of a cabinet at just the right moment, unwrap me and set me out there for everyone to see.Please, someone help me to understand that it's not about me!Last week I polished the silver shell that Pastor uses to scoop water out of the baptismal font. It wasn't until I started cleaning the shell for use that I realized just how tarnished it was. I applied the cleaner and rubbed, again and again, but there was this hint of yellow in the dish that just wouldn't polish away.At some point I decided it was good enough to scoop water with, even life-giving water.I know it's not about hiding away at church, or about hiding my faults and failures from the people out in the world, but about getting out there with them and letting them see the redemptive work that Jesus has done, and the polishing work that He is faithfully and lovingly doing, in me.That sounds so good, doesn't it? But it's so hard! Even the thought of it scares me. It means letting people out there get close to me, close enough to see the whole truth about me.This needs to get from my hand on the shell, to my head, to my heart: that I have been baptized into Jesus Christ - washed eternally clean in God's sight, by the blood of Jesus shed on The Cross for me - not because I was already shining but because I was tarnished. And now I belong to Him and I'm set apart for His use, stains and flaws and all. He gives me everything I need - in wine and wafer and Word - to be out there with Him, as He works to reach the people around me.That's all you really need to know about me.I'm out here for you, because of Jesus.